Listening
by katierosefun
Summary: [Reader and Ahsoka encounter. Friendship. For people struggling with thoughts of suicide.] Ahsoka Tano was walking around Coruscant when she saw you about to cut yourself. She stopped you.


**Hello, everyone! I'm back with another reader and canon character one-shot! This ****_isn't_**** a pairing one-shot, just a friendship one, because doods, I have something serious to talk to you guys about. **

**Suicide has always been a big issue for me, as I know that it's been a big issue for some of you guys, too. It's awful and sad and downright scary. It's so sad how people have the power to take away their own lives because of something that another person had said or done to them. It doesn't matter if it was your fault or if it was the bully's fault about why you were feeling sad, because in the end, it'll come down to a decision. A scary one. And that decision will be to ****_either keep on moving forward or to stop your life. _**

**It's scary how a lot of people tend to choose to stop their lives. You and I can't judge them - who can? We've all had our bad days before. I, myself, have tried to commit suicide twice and on the first attempt, I didn't really have anyone to talk to. The second time, I had people talking to me, sending me Private Messages and even making me a ****_list _****about why I shouldn't kill myself. That worked and I didn't try to commit suicide ever again and I plan on doing that for the rest of my life. **

**Some people aren't always as lucky, and that pains me so much. It hurts to see that ****_so many people _****would rather bottle up their feelings than come out and say that they're unhappy. Again, you and I can't judge them, but we can always do something to make them happier, even if we don't know what they're going through right now. **

**And this, dear readers, is my way of reaching out to you guys because I love all of you guys so much and I would be so sad if one of you guys decided to end your life. Yes, I'm talking ****_to you, the person reading this. _****You are important and you matter so freaking much, even if you don't know it yet. **

* * *

Your hands were shaking when you picked up the knife. It was sharpened – you had asked your brother to sharpen it especially for you. He didn't question it – it was a normal thing to ask, after all, here on Coruscant. He had simply shrugged, taken your knife and replied, "Alright, [Y/N]. I'll have it ready for you in ten minutes and then I'll have to go – I've got a few errands to run."

Running his hand affectionately through your hair, he had returned your knife and walked out of the small apartment that you two lived in. He had blown you a quick kiss and just like that, he was out of the apartment room, leaving you to yourself. You had felt a stab of guilt when your brother walked out – when he would come back, he wouldn't find you. You would be at the top of the apartment building, staring into the nothingness and without a pulse.

The second you had seen your brother walking down the street, you walked out of the apartment room and headed up the stairs that led to the top of the building. A warm breeze immediately came forth to greet you, but you shivered. The warm breeze didn't fool you – there was something sinister about the way it swept through your hair and tickled your arms and legs.

Then again, you've been seeing so many sinister things lately.

You were now staring at the sharp edge of the knife. You watched your reflection in it and surveyed yourself in the metal. You didn't think there was anything particularly attractive or special about your appearance – you had [H/C] strands of hair, [E/C] orbs for eyes, and a [mouth shape] set of lips. You weren't exactly going to be voted as the prettiest [or handsomest] person in Coruscant, if there even was such a thing.

There probably was.

You shakily picked up your knife again and rolled the handle over and over in your hands nervously. _Why were you doing this? Were you sure about this? Are you going to put this off for another day? _

The objective of today was simple – _kill yourself. _

You had thought that it wasn't going to be very difficult – just quickly slit your wrists and be done with it already. You couldn't get any pills, for you couldn't afford those kinds of pills and besides, your brother would find out about it faster than you could even pop the first one in your mouth. You couldn't hang yourself – you didn't have any rope and, again, your brother would be suspicious about why you would be lugging a three-foot long rope around the apartment.

You couldn't drown yourself – you doubted you'd be patient enough to stick your head in the water for that long and you _certainly _couldn't jump off a building. The anticipation of falling would be just too much for you. No, it would be better to kill yourself in the quickest way possible – by cutting.

You weren't sure _why _you were deciding to cut yourself, really. It was just odd…some days, you felt as though you were on top of the world and other days, on the _really, really bad days, _you would just wonder what was the purpose of living if there wasn't anyone who really cared about you.

It was frustrating. You would sink into a large, dark pit of sadness and do nothing but wallow in self-pity and self-hate and cry silent, ghostly tears before plastering on a fake smile and tell everyone that you're absolutely fine. Were you alright? Aw, hell, yes, you were absolutely fine. And then you would ask how the other person was doing and he or she would also reply, "Aw, hell, yes, I'm absolutely fine."

It never occurred to you how many people said that they were just "fine" when you asked them how they were. And now you knew that when people said that they were just "fine", they meant anything but.

It was too bad you never properly understood it until you were in that situation, yourself. Now that you were looking back, you wished you had said something to those people before, like how you wished that people would ask you to tell the truth when you said that you were just "fine".

Too late now.

You took a deep breath and was about to make the first cut on your wrist when a feminine, panicked voice yelled, "Wait!"

You violently turned around to see a Togruta girl standing behind you, her braid – was that a Padawan braid? – swinging frantically alongside her head, as though it, too, was just as shocked. She had her hands outstretched and with a surprised jerk, your knife flew into her hands.

Your heart sank and you started to crawl backwards to get away from the Togruta. "You're one of those Jedi people," you said hoarsely. "I wasn't doing anything wrong, I wasn't breaking any laws and I was just –"

"Oh, I _know _what you're doing." The Togruta replied, narrowing her eyes. She held up the knife and asked, "I just want to know _why you would do it._"

Your jaw slackened and you brought your knees to your chest. "That's not your business, is it?" You whispered. "You Jedi think you know _everything _about us regular folk, but that's not the truth. You don't get it – you never will – you're just saying that to keep your pretty, little reputation up –"

You were beginning to ramble now and you couldn't stop. The pain and guilt and sadness and anger was just welling up to the size of an overinflated balloon and once you started feeding that balloon some air, you just _couldn't stop. _

By the time you were finished, your voice had raised a couple of octaves higher and your throat felt sore from all of the talking. Surprisingly, the Togruta didn't give much of a reaction. Or, at least, not much of an _angered _reaction. She was slowly turning the knife in her hands and staring at you with her wide, blue eyes. You were shocked to see that her expression had actually softened and for a while, you couldn't bring yourself to say anything else.

Finally, the Togruta cleared her throat and she took a few steps towards you. You didn't bother moving back – how could you?

She kneeled down in front of you and held out a hand. "My name's Ahsoka," she said softly. "What's yours?"

You blinked up at her but took her hand shakily. You shook it gently and replied, "[Y/N]."

Ahsoka smiled and lowered herself into a sitting position before you. She placed the knife down next to her but for some reason, you didn't reach over to take it.

"Well, [Y/N]…you've been through a lot, haven't you?" The Togruta asked quietly. She clasped her hands on her lap and stared at you intently. "And I guess you've been bottling that stuff up for a while."

You wordlessly nodded, wondering where this was going.

Ahsoka sighed sadly and without another word, pulled you in for an unexpected hug. At first, you stiffened. _What was she doing? You had met her for what…a few seconds? Minutes? _

But then, you began to relax. It felt nice to have someone comfort you, especially since there wasn't anyone to talk to. You welcomed her gesture and slowly lowered your chin on her shoulder. You felt one tear drop – then another. You refused to create a mess on Ahsoka's shirt, but the Togruta said, "It's okay – you can let it all out."

And so you did. In between sobs and gasping, you told Ahsoka about every single fear, sad thought, and pain that you've gone through for your entire life. It was so odd – you had only known this girl for a few minutes and suddenly, you were spilling your life story to her. You couldn't understand _why _you were telling Ahsoka all of this – maybe you were confused in the head. Maybe you were desperate for a friend.

Or, maybe it was the fact that Ahsoka actually _listened_ that made you tell her everything. She nodded and occasionally made a small, sighing sound but either than that, she never interrupted.

By the time you were finished, the knife was long forgotten and a small flame of warmth had flickered in your chest. Ahsoka was right – it felt much better to talk.

"[Y/N]…I don't really know what to say except you're amazing." Ahsoka said quietly. You looked up questioningly and she nodded. "That's right," she replied. "I don't understand why you'd want to kill yourself because [Y/N], there's something about you that's _special_. Don't you see it?"

You shook your head slowly. _What was she talking about? There's nothing special about me. _

"You're just…this one person who's battling [her/his] own thoughts and I can tell you've come _such a long way _to where you are now. It can't have been easy." Ahsoka continued. "But see, that's only making you more special. And amazing. And wonderful. If other people can't see that, then they need a reality check."

You smiled bitterly and looked down at your feet. "You're just saying that to get me to keep myself from pulling another stunt." You muttered under your breath and Ahsoka shook her head.

"Why would I tell you false lies?" She asked. "There's _so many things _in this world, in this galaxy, in this _universe_ – there's so many kind people and so many beautiful things to see and there's always going to be a new day. A new start." Her eyes were shining now, and for a minute, you spotted the Jedi wisdom that you have heard people talking about ever since you were a child. Ahsoka couldn't have been much older than you, but at the moment, she looked older and wiser than ever.

"You can do _so much, _[Y/N]. I can't promise you that you'll feel sad on certain days – we all feel sad and scared. I used to be _very _scared." Ahsoka murmured.

You looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. "_You? Scared?" _You asked incredulously. "But you're a _Jedi _– you can do a lot of things. You can keep yourself out of trouble."

Ahsoka snorted and shook her head. "Yeah, right. Nah, I get into trouble a lot – and that's what makes me scared, sometimes." She paused and continued, "But the thing is, I've come to realize (and I'm sure you'll come to realize this, too,) that being scared and locked up inside isn't always the answer. You can always turn to other people for help, because if _you're _feeling like this, there must be other people feeling like this, too."

You frowned. "Are you sure?" You asked doubtfully.

Ahsoka nodded, smiling. "Of course." She replied and held out a pinky. "Tell you what – if you're ever feeling upset or you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to call me for help, okay? I'll listen whenever I can."

You felt your heart lift and asked hoarsely, "You will?"

"Of course." Ahsoka repeated, already scribbling her contact information. She handed you the slip of paper and said quietly, "I can't promise that I'll always be there, but I _will _make an effort to listen. And _you, _[Y/N]," she pointed at your chest, "will make an effort to stand up and be _brave._"

You smiled and replied, "I'll try."

Ahsoka grinned and gave you another quick hug before standing up. "An _I'll try _is better than an _I won't_." She said happily and waved at you. "I'll listen!" She reminded you and just like that, she was gone and racing across the rooftops of the other buildings.

You let out a soft sigh and held the paper in your hands. You looked down and smiled. You had gained a friend.

Huh.

Whaddya know.

Someone cared about you, after all.

* * *

**A/N - I hope you're smiling. I really do. And I hope you're not giving a fake-oh-I'm-just-fine-smile, either - I mean an honest-to-God, beautiful, amazing smile that could blind anyone because it's just _that _beautiful. **

**Please remember how important and beautiful you are. You are _wonderful _and there isn't anyone else in the world who could replace you. _I love you _and there are other people in this world who _loves you, too. _**

**Luv ya bunches and bunches!**


End file.
